News: This is not a religious war

President Bush, today, unequivocally answered growing criticism from the Middle East, that the current campaign in Afghanistan is a ‘holy war’.

“These evildoers are trying to divide our great nation,” President Bush said.

“They are trying to say that this is a religious war, I say to them, in the presence of Almighty God, our saviour, This is not a religious war.”

Mr Bush then joined an assembly of Christian church leaders for a prayer service, at the launch of the latest part of the war, now known as Operation Infinite Crusade.

“I pray that our doubters realise that our goal is just, our path true and our crusade unequivocal. The people of America have great expectations of their leaders, and one of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected. I pray that the Lord God smiles on this great nation in it’s hour of need.”

Mr. Bush’s official spokesperson has made several statements echoing the President’s words.

“The fact that we are starting Operation Infinite Crusade on the anniversary of the sacking of Mecca by Christians should not be cause for concern,” said spokesman Dwight Contrast.

“This is simply a coincidence, Mohammedan worshipers should not connect this with todays events. After all, we are not attacking Afghanistan because they are Moslems, but because they are bad Moslems, which are the worst kind. And, if you'll excuse me, we are going to catch Allah-them.”

President Bush took this message to his people, in his weekly radio address.

“Wartime is also a time when folks think of their families,” he said, “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream. These folks, like folks everywhere, understand the just rock our crusade stands on.

Pope gves Gods assent to American action

Above: His Holiness The Pope gives God’s assent to American action

“However, America is not thirsty for war, and to echo the words of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, we must all hear the universal call to like your neighbour, like you like to be liked yourself.”

Mr. Bush also met with Pope John Paul II yesterday, who said that while this was not a religious war by any means, the nature of the attack on New York meant that “God is clearly on the side of Christian America.”

“They misunderestimated us,” Bush told the Pontiff before returning to the United States to continue the campaign.

[editors note: most of the quotes attributed directly to President Bush in this article are genuine]