The Tate of That!
Moore's Entry is, as one critic said, "Sublime in it's minimalism", or as another posited, "A sculpture that mixes oil based hues on a post-ironic two dimensional creative plane". It's a painting. "At first we didn't know what it was", said a critic from Spectator Magazine, "I've never seen one of these, although my Father says that they were common enough before the war. I don't mean to prejudice the judges, but it's so flat. I mean, where's the life, where's the .... Stuff, if you know what I mean?" We asked some of the other people in the Tate for their opinions. John Fairwater is one of the porters whose job it is to carry in many of the exhibits. "Oh we get them all in here," he told us, "Seb Coe he was in 'ere last week, the man's a star, even if he is a nonce. And that fellah off the News at Ten, bloody marvellous. I said to him, need some furniture moved I'm your man, he loves a laugh. Art? I'm into a bit of landscape, maybe a bit of impressionist" But What about the current exhibits? "Well I'm sure they'll turf it all on the skip, like they did last year, after the Turner is given to the guy that put his testicles in a jar." Do the exhibits pose a problem for staff, have they any issues with the subjects raised "Oh yeah, well, some are a bit y'know (makes non-descript gesture with hand). The worst to carry in was that great big pile of shite over there (point to corner of room)." "You mean the famous bed that everybody's talking about?" But getting back to the sculpture that has caused the most media attention, most of it bad, Ethan Moore's 'painting', we spoke to one critic who actually had some good things to say about it. "This is Moore's two fingers at the art world", says critic Gordon Jones. "It's simply brash cheek. 'This is my canvas' he`s saying 'Watch me spill my load upon it'. He is the new Post-Moronic artist of the masses; his work is pure Genius. "I mean, look at that over there (points at wooden chair), what is that meant to represent, what does the sculpture think it'll emote in the viewing public? I'll tell you, the downfall of our civilisation; our culture has descended to cheap tatty, nasty art Actually I think it's just a chair. "Is it? Oh fuck, sorry."
The art world is all a flurry, as another controversial item was unveiled in the Tate. Ethan Moore's entry for this years prestigious Turner's Prize left critics speechless (if such a thing was really possible). As Mark Livingstone, of the Independant, said, "Where's the piss?".
Terry Keane
Judges examine one of this year's entries for the Turner Prize.
"No, I mean that great big pile of shite (lifts up some tarpaulin to unveil some human faeces in a bucket). It goes on show tomorrow."